Hello Everybody,
How I Felt About My Baby

by Hannah

For school, I had to do an interesting project, which was taking care of the robotic babies.  The robotic babies are like real babies except they aren't alive.  They do just about everything real babies do and they brought me a lot of joy.  I got to keep it for three days and was very sad to give it away.  On the third day, during lunch recess, when my teacher was collecting them, I felt too sad to return it, so I give it to one of my friends.  After my friend had returned the baby, I cried for reasons that I couldn't explain right away. 

When I got home, I still felt sad and tired for I had to wake up in the night to feed and change the baby the night before.  So I took a long nap thinking that I could feel better afterward, but when I woke up, I still had this feeling like I want to cry.  I went to my grandma's house and explained briefly what I was going through.  She helped me feel a little better, but the next day I still felt like I was going to cry if I talk to anyone.  I felt like I couldn't talk to anyone on the phone and especially face to face. 

That night during dinner, I sort of brought up the baby thing to my dad and instantly I burst into tears when my mother said that maybe giving up the baby was difficult for me because my birth parents left me when I was a little baby.  Finally I figured out how I was feeling and couldn't tell my family right away because I was still not up to telling anyone.  You see, I was adopted when I was 12 years old and had to leave everything behind back in China.  Then I cried and cried until I had no more tears left and went to bed. 

This morning when I woke up, I cried some more.  In the afternoon I felt that I was ready to tell my family about how I was feeling.  My mother understood right away and I was grateful for that.  I told my family that I was feeling sad because I had never known my birth parents and probably never would.  That I was feeling sad because I was trying to picture my mother giving me away because she couldn't take care of me or she wanted a boy.